Mounting Anticipation

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve finally settled on a new project! It’s an audio series entitled “All the Stories Never Told: a portrait of an insignificant individual who found peace in a chaotic world”. I plan on releasing a new chapter each week, on Fridays for you to have something to listen to on your commute home or over the weekend. 😉 After it’s complete, there will be an ebook version available and the possibility of a few limited edition printed copies. Go follow me on Instagram @winter_mckenna to keep up with any giveaways and the latest on corresponding prints being released on Etsy.

Enjoy, like, comment, and share to spread the l ♥ ve.

Best always, darlings!

Humanity, the world without

Images are so powerful. Just looking at certain pictures— ones like these, brings emotions, sways moods…and I begin to feel a missing piece of me again when I lose myself in other’s worlds.

I think it’s the combination of perspective, creativity, and simplicity that draws me in. I love the thought of honing in on life’s moments easily forgotten. Of finding hidden meanings, and of feeling what someone else is feeling, seeing what some else is seeing, living vicariously through another. It intrigues me. It inspires me.

I dwell on, sometimes drown in, thoughts, so many thoughts. I see the longing in their faces and I want to help.

And so I am a writer. A researcher. A soon to be anthropologist. Because I am like them. I am human too.

 

A Wall Full of Flowers

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Individuality—some people are always grasping to be unique, they think they are the only one like themselves and they want you to think so too. Still others are doing all they can to blend in, not stand out, in the crowd. They don’t care if you see them or notice them at all (in fact, they would rather you didn’t). They don’t care anything about the “freedom to be their own person”. No, they are desperately insecure with the person that they are.

 

Don’t Be Beautiful

They keep saying that beautiful is something a girl needs to be.

But honestly? Forget that. Don’t be beautiful.

Be angry, be intelligent, be witty, be klutzy, be interesting,

be funny, be adventurous, be crazy, be talented-

there are an eternity of other things

to be other than beautiful.

And what is beautiful anyway

but a set of letters strung together to make a word?

Be your own definition of amazing, always.

That is so much more important than anything beautiful, ever.

Nikita Gill

 

If you’re determined to be individualistic, there’s a chance you’ll stand alone. (By nature, that’s what the word points to—individualism, being independent, on one’s own.) But you know who else stands alone? The girl hunched in the corner hiding from life. It’s up to you to choose— stand alone and be true to yourself, confident in the fact that you are not living a lie OR you can conform to everyone else’s wishes, living trapped in the shell of someone else’s body. You can fit into the mold that society has decided fits right on you. You can be the human whose outcome someone else determines.

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At the end of the day, you still have to go home and live with the person you have created…

Why not be someone that you love to be around too?

 

Moments

Today’s been hard.

Actually, this whole week has been rough. But that’s life. I’m ok. And I know that if I’m not ok right now, I will be soon. It’s one of my mottoes.

I’ve learned how to cope with negative emotions. Not perfectly by any means, but I’m working on it, always. I have to remind myself of the lovely things in life. I’ve taken up making little lists—things to do when I’m feeling down to cheer myself up, simple moments that I love, though often forget, feelings, emotions, words.

Today I chose to be alone. To sit with my cat, curled up under a blanket, sipping hot tea, soft jazz painting the backdrop… I’m reading and writing and trying not to worry. Trying not to cry. Changing my focus.

To the total silence before a storm

A cat’s purrs and a cat’s paws

To sunrises and sets

The first star of night

Early morning fog and the first birdsong

To old book smells

Candles on drizzly days

When a baby smiles

And rumbles of thunder in the distance

Or flashes of lightning right next to you

And the chill that rushes up your spine

The little things

Simple moments

Not forgotten. No, I won’t forget. I will remember. Remember and feel better. More whole. More alive.

I will look at my life and choose to see the lovely. 

 

Home: The Skin You’re In

Home?

They say that home isn’t a place. But what do “they” know?

A lot actually.

Home is more than a place, even more than the people you’re surrounded by—I argue that home is a feeling. It’s an emotion, a set of circumstances, a level of self-awareness that leads to contentment. Peace. Comfort.

And so I can say without a doubt that while I am really without a physical place to call home (unless I count the place where I was born and raised and where I am always welcome with open arms), I am always at home. I am comfortable in my own skin, at peace with where my life is headed, and secure in my lingering insecurities. And where am I headed now? What road am I traipsing merrily down, with no end in sight of my foreseeable future? And how can I be so satisfied to be so out of control? If you knew the me that used to dwell in this skin, you would quickly realize my outlook on life has changed so much this past year. But more on that in a minute… First things first, what in the world am I doing with my life?

A Time of Growth: the farm

Some people would call me crazy.

Have called me crazy actually… But I didn’t let that stop me. I have decided to take the risk,  to love my life, to trust that every little thing is going to be all right. And so I am moving into the house of a stranger. Why? You might ask. Well…

It’s the most economical way to travel the world. Isn’t that reason enough?

What will I be doing?

“Farm chores”… it’s a broad description and all I have to go on, but given what I’ve researched and seen on our visit it will probably look something like this:

Early morning I’ll get up to have some time to myself before the day starts. I’ll stretch, eat a light breakfast— regular morning routine, ya know?

The staff meeting is at 8:30. We’ll discuss work projects for the day and that sort of thing. I could be weeding, harvesting, taking care of “the girls” (I laugh every time. That would be their alpacas. Soft. Balls. Of. Fluff. Shy, but so cute, can I just say?) Anyhow, after the meeting is over, work begins!

Only a five hour day with a break for a family meal at lunch and the rest of the evening is yours to do with as you please. Obviously, I’ll be writing. Is that cheering I hear?

I’ll have each weekend off as well, so my plan is to travel around nearby areas and visit my grandmother.

Either when I have more details or at the end of my experience, I’ll write an update post.

Until then, go live your life! Don’t just exist, that’s no fun.

“Life is waking up an hour earlier to live an hour more.”

 

 

Blue Sky Dreams and the Open Road

Highways and Byways…

I visited my new home today. One of many dawning in my future. It was peaceful, though quite a drive from my grandmother’s home where I am staying for the moment. But the road is a comfort to me. Never ending, always before you for as long as you want to travel it. And only as far as you’re meant to go. The road has its lessons for those who are listening… It tells stories of long ago people and what they were made of, of how they were driven by “progress” and simple necessity. It teaches patience, endurance, joys in simplicity—rolling fields, roadways sprinkled with wildflowers, solitary trees, oil wells. All things hold beauty, bring contentment to the ordinary, and quiet conversations drift from their subtleties. This is why I love the open road.

I’m becoming a wanderer. Never satisfied with settling in. Loving change, but wrestling with it too. Grappling with the hard questions, the ones no one seems to answer: Why am I here, in this place? Why not somewhere else? Does my life have any value? Am I living or do I simply exist? Why don’t people just understand? I’m not like everyone else. I’m not you.

I hope to find my way along winding paths and keep my roots shallow in location and relationships, and deep within myself, my purpose, my passions and my Creator.

I am developing an intentional existence. Content with myself, yet always changing. Always growing. I am full of paradoxes. But then, so are you.

“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like right now, and appreciating it for everything that it is.” -marcandangel

Stay tuned for Part Two: Home? where I’ll actually be talking about the farm itself